Carrying A Torch For The Olympic Spirit

Between Bood Miller and Lindsey Jacobellie and whatever the hell is going on with the speedskating team, I don't want to hear any more BS about the great Olympic spirit and how it's so much more "pure" than professionals.

Granted, there are lots of great stories and personalities in the Olympics. But there are in the pro ranks, too. What about Jim Eisenrich, the guy with Tourette's? Or Curtis Pride, or Jim Abbot? And that's just baseball.

I was sick of Bood (when he puts an "i" in his name is when I'll start pronouncing it "Bodie") before the games even started. He's another one of these "Nike" creations. I realize he probably doesn't have an endorsement deal with Nike, and other sporting goods companies do it, but you know what i mean: Nike (or Reebok or wahtever) sign this endorsement deal with a player and hype them to the hilt regardless of their success of lack thereof on the field. It worked well for Nike and Michael Jordan; it is failing miserably for Nike and Michael Vick, who without that Nike contract is just Michael Bishop. Well, I shouldn't say it doesn't work for Vick - he somehow got the Falcons to sign him to a monster contract despite the fact he;s garbage as a QB.

I don't know who is behind the Bodie hype, but lets hope it ends. And all the skiers and snowboarders in general - they;ve got more arrogance than the University of Miami receiving corps.

Clemens: Insert Rocketman Reentry Headline Here
Okay, let me just get this out of the way right here: I would love to see Clemens sign with the Sox and everyone lives happily ever after. I don't really hold the Yankees years against him that much. Although in 1986 I was much more a Bruce Hurst/Wade Boggs fan, I've come to admire and respect Clemens. (And no, I wasn't on the "Clemens is in the twilight of his career" bandwagon when he left. I thought he had more left in the tank; not THIS much, but I didn't agree with the call at the time).

That being said, I'd say a small part of me is kinda hoping the Sox sign him and then turn heel on him. I hear people saying, "Well, Clemens obviously won;t be expected to be here all the time" and "Of course he;ll get special treatment." But part of me would like to see John henry sign the contract with Clemens and say,

"Thank you Roger, and now we have a surprise for you: we've hired a special liason to take charge of all your personal needs."

Clemens: "Well, gee, that's right kind of you Mr. henry."

Henry: "Okay, well, here he is...Roger, meet your new liason to the club, Mr. Dan Duquette. I believe you've met."

Duquette: "Hello Roger. Here, why don't you carry our luggage."

Clemens: "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

Henry: "Don't hurt your arm on those bags, Yankee boy."

NASCAR: Daytona 500
Ah, nice to see my home-away-from-home taking the spotlight. Five years since Dale Sr. died. I still can't get over how the sport took off after that. Well, I have theories about the TV coverage and all that, but still...it seems odd that they kick off the season with the Super Bowl of car racing. I guess its because of tying up sponsors with a strong showing of something like that (unless "Days of Thunder" has lied to me) but damn, that would have been like the NBA of the 90's kicking off each season with Game 7 of the NBA Finals, and killing off Michael Jordan in the final minute, puntuated by a "NBA...it's FAAAAAANN-tastic" promo at the end.

Stoopid Announcers
A couple of nice ones to share from today. And none from the NASCAR crews!
from Olympics, during figure skating competition (long story...I was too far away from the remote control to change it) I guess there's a move called a "twizzle" and one of the annoucners (not sure who, but it was a male figure skating announcer so I guess you can guess the hip-quotient going on here) said something to the effect of, "Was there a shanizzle, too?"

Snoop Dogg lingo in figure skating. like seeing Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny in the same room.

The other one was from a Stuart Scott NBA All-Stars on SportsCenter report. it wasn't from Stuart, but it seemed only appropriate it was during his segment: a reporter was talking about how many people attribute the global reach of the NBA to the fact that USA Basketball "has always used professionals, since 1992."

Huh? Time didn't exist before 1992?

Well, that's all for this week. Hope to have a parody news story up this week.

Be excellent to one another.