Red Sox Injury Woes Solved

BOSTON - Sources in the Red Sox clubhouse attribute the club's injury woes to the new team doctor, identified as Dr. Nikolas Van Helsing.
The team, which replaced Dr. Bill Morgan, the developer of the Schilling tendon Procedure, refused to comment on its choices of medical personel.

However, players have apparently been complaining for quite a while about Van Helsing's competence, or lack thereof.

Many players attribute the recent spate of injuries to Van Helsing's rather curious methods.

"Look, I'm sure that the doctor's a very sweet man basically," said one player who did not wish to be identified. "But I don't ever want to hear where they found him. Ever."

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